19 Falls: falling in love, falling out, falling from grace
A review of the 2024 album from Caecilius
19 Falls is Caecilius’s third project, the first of which, Est in Horto, released in March 2023 and laid the foundations for the themes, sonic tendencies, and lyrical flair of this record. True to its title, the album explores all kinds of ‘falls’, from falling into infatuation on the opening track ‘Appalling’, falling out and mixed feelings on ‘Her face’, and falling from grace in the regretful ‘Beautiful eyes’. The record actually features the word ‘fall’ (or its various conjugations) exactly 19 times, and details the confusing and convoluted feelings of being that age: the difficulty of being mischaracterised, the pain and guilt of hurting people around you, and still struggling to be honest about it all. Nonetheless, Caecilius’s attitude towards these varying experiences is refreshingly optimistic, taking it all in stride and even humour, as reflected by the more experimental and upbeat sounds.
A unanimous fan favourite from this project was its very first single released in 2023, the epitome of the Caecilius sound, ‘Spin’. This song encapsulates uncertainty and conflict in a relationship with a sureness of itself that is satisfying and unphased by its own subject matter. The nonchalance of this track is charming rather than jarring, as it comes across as a kind of character portrait humanised by moments of sincerity; for example, the Slim Shady line: ‘My school friends moving shady/ That’s cool when the odds are slim/Hope one day I’m breaking even/Making a loss coz I’m lost on them’ showcases wordplay built upon lines clearly born from frustration or feeling misunderstood- in many ways, this is the Caecilius project. The chorus is catchy, anthemic, and nostalgic, and the writing (lyrically and melodically) is some of the tightest Akshay has produced thus far. The interjection of a woman’s voice speaking, presumably a voice memo or phone call recording, brings a cool authenticity to the song, balancing the sincerity-insincerity scales that are constantly toyed with on this album. (A personal interjection at this point to say my favourite line is ‘Got what Aeneid, man I feel like Virgil’, partially because it just sounds smooth, and partially because it makes so much sense to have a classical reference on the Caecilius album.) ‘Gums Blazin’ works in the equal and opposite way to the misjudged element of ‘Spin’; it refuses to be intimidated, in fact it doubles down on being confident (and even arrogant) in spite of the darker topics at hand. The lyrics ‘Home ain’t no home I don’t visit no more’ and ‘I need someone to hold when I’m feeling alone’ both display record levels of vulnerability on this album, and yet the upbeat sound gives it a ‘Hey Ya’ kind of avoidant effect. The beat switch contributes to this, allowing Akshay to make light of romantic situations by mentioning friends or figures by name and adopting a careless attitude; overall, the song is drenched in layers of meaning and feeling, and yet it promises it is cool and unbothered.
If ‘Spin’ is quintessentially Caecilius, then ‘Player 2’ is a completely new iteration of the artist. With its colourful production and melodic movement, this song is proof of forward movement, or at least of artistic expansion in some direction, exploring new flows and imagery by talking about a romantic dalliance through the contrast of the ‘Princess in the tower/Thinking I can save her’, who turns out to be a ‘player too’. This very antithetical reality is at the heart of romance in 2024, and of being nineteen in search of something idyllic at your uni halls. It is also on good authority that the subject of this song even has a name-drop, so really, the irony is just inescapable.
The most narratively compelling song on the record might just be ‘Unreliable Narrators’, which sees Akshay seeking out connection and conversation, even willing to entertain the subject’s inaccurate memories or stories. It is a real endorsement of humanity on this album, asking ‘How did you get like that?’, the answer to which is the driving force for songwriting as an art. In Akshay’s words on ‘Ready 4 Love’, ‘Love letters to my exes, and my h*es/ Hugs and kisses, that's the business’, is essentially the mission statement, with ‘hugs and kisses’ being the double entendre reference to a song ‘X+O’ from his last project, Free Life.
The closing track, ‘I Go Crazy (For Youuuuuu)’ distils the aforementioned love letters into a simple refrain ‘I still love you, and I always will’. This statement is a through line in Akshay’s work, but also in being 19 and experiencing changing types of love for the people in your life, as cemented by the following line ‘Blurry lines in all these definitions/ We live in blurry times that’s why I never listen’. This song is absolutely a highlight on this album, building on the classic sound of ‘Spin’, but featuring more emotionally revealing lyrical content, and closing with a recording of a conversation. In the outro, the voice (presumably Akshay) says he has ‘left his ID’, and a woman’s voice replies that ‘it’s too late’, which, despite the casual nature of the conversation, contains some heavy metaphors for those who feel inclined to read into the implications of leaving behind your ID, and being denied getting it back on account of it being too late. The inclusion of a snippet presumably from Akshay’s ordinary life speaks to the wider point of music, which is to document and memorialise. The snippet is personal and sweet, ending the album on an easy, familiar note that bleeds back into the beginning of the album which starts with indistinct chatter on ‘Appalling’, for an album that should and will be on repeat.